me deixe arranhar tuas costas
sentir tua pele na minha
me deixe beijar teus lábios
sem compromisso de língua
me deixe sentir tua falta
e chorar ao pé da cama
me deixe dizer “te amo”
sete vezes por semana
me deixe tocar teu rosto
contemplar a perfeição
me deixe brincar contigo
de qualquer jogo ou ilusão
me deixe te admirar
enquanto assistimos TV
me deixe arrastar os móveis
procurando por você
me deixe ser apenas tua
me deixe ser teu prazer
de 2005, quando eu sabia amar… e escrever.
So, they’ve said it in movies, tv shows, songs… High school never ends. Seriously though, never. There’s always the popular one, the hot one, the
dumb not-that-smart one, you get the point. And there’s the bully. The crucial difference between bullying in high school and in adult life is: you don’t always realize they’re bullying you. Until you do. And than you feel as stupid as it gets.
There’s lots of kinds of bullying in adult life, but I’ll stick to the one I know very well, since I have been one in the past and, yes, it gets worse, have been a victim of as well. Yes, I was stupid enough to fall for the bullshit after being a bullshitter myself. Ugh.
The “leader”: that’s a person you think you know very well, they make you feel safe by tellling you their “deepest, darkest secrets”, which ends up with you telling them yours. No harm there, honestly. It’s not like they’re going to spread the word, since you know their shit too. The problem comes with time. They’re best friends with your best friends, they are best friends with your acquaintances even. They have that quality, you know. Some are super funny, some are super “honest”, super smart. It’s the charisma, the charm. And then, as I said, come the problem. They start picking on stuff they don’t like about your friends, and you start following their train of thought. What you don’t know, it’s that you’re in the exact same situation as your friends. They’re talking about you behind your back to your friends too. Shocker: you’re not fucking special. Not to this person, anyways. They put friends against each other to feel better about their lack of real people to lean on.
I was able to leave that dark side of me behind. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no hero. I’ve talked about people behind their backs and you can’t ever take that back. Even if the person never finds out, you’ll always know what a horrible creature you were. It takes time to lose the habit, but when you do, you’ll feel free and you’ll feel better about yourself and about the relationships you haven’t destroyed.
I was also able to detach myself from a leader and leave the pack. This one was even harder, believe it or not. When you leave the “leader” you end up alone for a while. Then, with time, only a few amount of people will stay by you. You’ve done so much harm to your relationships it is fucking hard to get back, but if you feel like it’s worth it and they feel like is worth it, you’ll get there.
The main point of my babbling is: be careful of who you chose as your leader. Be careful as the type of leader you wanna be. Nobody likes a bully, and a bully cannot hide behind the cute/smart/funny mask forever.
Make changes in your life to be whoever you’d like to be, but be aware of the other people involved in the process. Because you are special, but you’re no more special than anybody else. Everyone is special in their own way, and there’s no wrong in admitting that. Be humble. It’s hard as hell, but we’ll get there if we try day after day.
Do you wanna know something about people? They’re disappointing. That’s pretty much it. Don’t expect them to change, don’t expect them to love you, or even be real friends. Once they show you their asshole faces, you should forget the smiles. Coz that’s what’s lying there, beneath it all, the asshole face.